Managing Up – Navigating Conflict with Your Manager

Even when you think you’re communicating clearly and proactively, providing key information, adjusting to the corporate shifts, and are prioritizing what your manager needs, conflict can still arise.

When you and your manager have a different understanding of expectations, you will have to navigate difficult conversations.

What’s Behind the Differences

First, there are the assumptions. Your manager may be making assumptions about your or your team’s capabilities. You may be making assumptions about what your boss is going through.

Making assumptions isn’t always bad, as I wrote in my Lessons in Leadership from a Rottie article about Making Assumptions. They can help guide you when you must make decisions quickly. But if you find yourself guessing or attributing motivations, stop yourself. Ask for clarification and address the assumptions directly.

Shining a Light on the Differences

It’s important for you to surface contradictions as you see them. Otherwise, you’re going to spend a lot of unnecessary mental time and energy on trying figure out a way forward that addresses what you think are the differences. That’s a lot of wasted effort.

Your manager may not realize that what they’re asking for today will mean that you can’t do what they asked of you yesterday. Present the trade-offs and clarify what’s most important, such as, “My team and I can shift to B, but that will mean that A won’t be done on time. Which would you prefer we do first?”

Learn How to Say “No”

Sometimes, you will have to set boundaries.

I worked for an executive who believed that if I did all that was asked of me, I was doing all that work because I had the capacity. They expected me to let them know when I was reaching overload, to discuss it with them, and to agree on priorities. As long as I kept saying “yes,” they assumed that I was fine. I learned to speak up rather than just accepting everything that came my way.

I wrote a piece on saying no as it’s something I’ve struggled with at times. As a leader who is interested in career advancement, saying no can feel dangerous. But think of it this way: If you say

“yes” to all that’s asked of you, you’ll end up exhausted, unable to make informed decisions and, ultimately, unable to lead. Instead, you can look at redirecting your energy to evaluating and setting priorities. You don’t have to use the word “no” verbatim. Rather, you can ask questions and work with your manager to reevaluate priorities.

Understanding why conflict over expectations arise, surfacing the differences, and learning to say “no” will help you navigate conflict with your manager in way that helps both of you.