The Art of Asking Direct Questions

Getting the information you need without putting people on the defensive

Asking questions is a great way to learn. If you’re leading a team, you’ll want to ask and listen more than talk.

But are you asking questions in a way that is making your team members clam up?

Having worked in Silicon Valley for most of my career, I can attest to how much people here value open communication. Many books have been written about it, people are praised for it, some have built careers on it.

When you’re in charge, it’s imperative that your team members share information and ideas with you. When you ask for the info you need, you want to hear all of it, not a watered-down version. That’s how you figure out what’s going well as well as surface issues.

To that end, you ask what you judge to be honest questions. And you expect honest answers.

Your team members may not perceive your questions as honest, though. Your questions may seem harsh or even threatening if you’re not phrasing them correctly.

How can you ask questions so that people feel comfortable answering?

Ask open-ended questions.

Instead of asking, “Do you agree?” you can ask, “What do you think?” The first question will make team members assume that you want them to say yes. The second question gives them space to agree or disagree or something in between and to share their ideas.

Watch your tone.

When you’re in a hurry, it’s easy to sound like you’re barking at someone rather than asking a simple question. Also, the same words said with a smirk come off as snarky and disparaging versus if they’re said with an open expression and genuine interest.

Provide context.

This is especially important when you’re eliciting information on complex topics. Your team members will want to know where the conversation is heading. Not understanding the background can be a source of stress. Share a sentence or two about why you’re asking and then ask the question. They will then be able to respond with the precise information you need.

Choose non-threatening language.

If you are explaining your methodology and someone asks pointedly, “Why did you do that?” you will likely feel like you must defend yourself. A better way to ask that question would be, “How did you decide on that path?” Another example: “What were you thinking?” can become “What were the reasons behind your decision?”

Mastering the art of asking direct questions without putting people on the defensive can be just the differentiator you need to be seen as an effective leader.