Cultivating a Key Value for Growth
Ralph Waldo Emerson
The Beginning
Before I became a coach, I wore multitasking as a badge of honor.
My days were a flurry of meetings, to do lists, and doing all I could to make forward progress for all my key stakeholders - family, team, colleagues, customers. I was surrounded by people whose lives were equally chaotic. There was a sense of pride in not getting enough rest, a contest to see who could claim to be the most overworked. When someone asked me how I was, I answered, "Busy!"
It's fascinating to me to realize how I've distanced myself from that mental mayhem. It hasn't been that long in calendar time, but my ongoing shift to a more peaceful, mindful state makes my multitasking days feel very long ago indeed.
Setting an Intention
I set an intention earlier this year to cultivate serenity. Serenity was not on my list of top values during my frenzied multitasking days, but it has become key to my growth now. I use the word 'intention' rather than 'goal' because it implies consistency and mindfulness in the effort. As part of my intentionality, I analyzed my beliefs and thoughts and developed a rudimentary plan for focusing on serenity.
Below is a set of questions for the values analysis that I developed and shared with a group whom I was guiding in a values exercise. I've included my responses so you can follow my thought process.
Value | Serenity |
What this Value means to me | Inner peace, calm, tranquility |
Why this Value is important to me | Leads to good mental and physical health, helps me and those around me stay calm and focused, promotes contentment |
Beliefs I hold that align with this value | I believe that I can influence and contribute to the level of happiness of those around me. I believe that I am very productive in general, but especially when I'm in a flow state. |
Beliefs that don't align | I believe that work is inevitably stressful. I believe that I need to shoulder the burden of worry and care for people close to me. |
The Voices in My Head tell me _______________ about this Value | My inner critic tells me I won't achieve this value because it's not my fate. My inner mentor tells me that this value is within my reach, I just need to make a few adjustments. |
How does my current career allow me to uphold this Value? | Coaching brings me inner peace because I find it so fulfilling. I'm at a stage in my life when I most want to do something meaningful for work and partnering with others to help them achieve their goals is very meaningful. |
How does my current career prevent me from upholding this Value? | Being a solopreneur is stressful. I spend a lot of time working on my business performing tasks that I do not enjoy. |
What changes do I need to make to live this Value more fully? | Make more space, mental and time, for the work activities I enjoy, such as writing. Figure out how to offload or eliminate some of the unpleasant tasks. |
Initially, I had intended solely to provide an example for the group, a starting point for them to begin their own process. However, I found that recording my thoughts helped me to realize that I truly wanted to do the growth work. The writing allowed me to free my mind from the effort of remembering to concentrate on doing. As I wrote, I envisioned how my days might incorporate, in both small and large ways, my chosen value.
My Continuing Journey
Completing the thought exercise illuminated the beginning of my path to serenity. Here's what I'm practicing in my journey:
Listening Deeply
I used to listen with only part of my mind and senses. I was thinking about the next meeting, the presentation I needed to finish, the chores that awaited me at home. I also wanted to ensure that I made my key points, so I was thinking about what I wanted to say next while someone else was speaking. I wasn't present for the people talking with me.
Now, I hear the words, tone and volume, watch the body language, observe the facial expressions of my conversation partner. My mind is processing what it receives from the speaker in real time. I'm completely present in the moment.
Letting Go of Ego
I've let go of worrying about being the most correct, the most creative, the smartest person in the room. Conversations, especially coaching conversations, are about hearing from the other person. It's not about me. I'm having a conversation in order to gain a better understanding of them.
Rejecting Imposter Syndrome
The restlessness that comes from feeling as though I was not as good as everyone else pushed me to work harder and ignore my needs. I no longer worry about how I measure up to others but focus on my own abilities and skills that I've developed over many fruitful years.
Learning to Ask for Help
This one is huge. As part of my former power persona, I thought I had to do everything myself.
I am training myself to think about which tasks truly demand my personal attention and which ones can be offloaded. I am also working on asking someone else to take a bit of the load, rather than trying to juggle it all at once alone, when there are a number of activities that have to be done in parallel.
Taking Breaks
Pushing myself to keep going was one of the reasons that I quickly reached burnout not just once but repeatedly. Thinking about what a serene person would do helped me to realize that adding in some rest breaks and stopping points wouldn't slow me down. Rather, the breaks would refresh me and enhance my creativity.
Which Value Would You Like to Cultivate?
I encourage you to use the questions in the form above to find your own path to enhance or strive for a value that is important to you. I also encourage you to book a time for a chat to discuss what you discovered.
Wishing you well on your journey!
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